i permit you to call me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
