Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
