big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
