Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
