If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
