I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
