Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
