I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
