make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
