Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
