oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
