i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
