Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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