Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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