There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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