mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
