Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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