If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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