but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
