Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
