Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
