No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
