there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Pants are for mortals
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize