I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
