I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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