yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
