4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
