How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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