Cold hands, warm shart.
I've blown a few things in my day
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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