I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
