girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize