I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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