is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
