Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
