That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
