she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
