Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize