He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
