Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
