sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
