I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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