I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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