Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
