my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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