Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
