the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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