all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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