I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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