If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
