I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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