She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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