left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
