mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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