I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
