I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
