only if we run a train.
done.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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