I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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