He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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