theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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