I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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