you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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