i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
