it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
