My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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