I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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