wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
