yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
