i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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