i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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