I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
