Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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