Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm way too hungover for life right now
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
