maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
