A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
