You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
