Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
