There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
