Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
