I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
