how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
