he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
