I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
